It is 82 degrees here in the South today, so my daughter piled all four grandlittles into the Mommy wagon and headed for the zoo. They homeschool, so you can do that. Work sheets came out as soon as they buckled in and math, language will be accomplished on the way to the zoo, then maybe Shakespeare by audio on the way home. Home education is all about working with what you have, when you have. In the end, homeschoolers are by far more socially adjusted in most cases having their experiences shared by people of all ages, and academically they give any institution a run for their money with results due to the one-on-one time and investment the parent/teacher is willing to make coupled with the way the student is taught in the way he or she needs to learn and not “by the book”.
The Memphis Zoo has changed a lot since I was a child. I have photos of myself sitting on the concrete animals outside of the rhino area, very low fences surrounding the exhibits that could easily be stepped over and conquered by any inquisitive 3 year old. The caged animals like lions and monkeys participated with their ticket paying captors, peering queerly as we pitched popcorn and other approved goodies into the cages, we in turn watching them sniff and eventually devour our offerings. Often you would see one or more of the animals in cages lumber past, never acknowledging the crowds, the food, nor the clamor for their attention. It was as if they had been desensitized to the life around them. It makes me wonder if it was due to their imposed surrounding more than their actual brute nature. Some had been brought to captivity, some had been born there, but both groups had succumbed to their fate. Of all the zoo’s exhibits, these were the least entertaining, least engaged, and least animated of the animals. They usually had the smallest crowds due to their uninviting nature.
We as people can easily become much like these sad ones. We allow ourselves to disentangle from society and even often family, friends and loved ones as we castrate our emotions, and go into self-protection mode if we ever experience a hurt. We wear the countenance of an unapproachable being long enough and others actually stop approaching. We have unwittingly but by design become an emotional eunuch in our cage of self protection.
God created the animals on the sixth day in the Bible, which is the same day Man was created, but animals were created first. They were to be food, perform biological duties like procreation within their species but eventually they would consume each other in an effort to remain on the planet. Even Man himself consumed the animals. The sole purpose of the life cycle of the animals was to live, procreate, die without any emotional investment or ties.
But Man had other purposes, among them to care for the planet, vegetation, wildlife. But when Woman and others appeared on the planet, Man’s job broadened to take charge of those under his care. They were to be fed, clothed after the Fall, sheltered, and loved. What was Man’s expected ROI (return on investment) for his care? Respect, honor, submission, and ideally a return of gratitude and love.
Many of us have grown up under the authority of emotionally distant parents or been involved in relationships that encouraged an air of emotional distance between us and another person. We quarantine ourselves off later in life as we imitate what we knew growing up, even though we didn’t like the emotional distance and ignoring of the basics that occurred in our primary relationships. We become emotional eunuchs, much like the animals….pacing back and forth, watching but never participating in any valuable way with anyone around us, or worse…flying under the radar so no one would notice us, reach out and make us interact in a socially edifying and building kind of way for either ourselves or others around us. We float through years and eat, sleep, drink…sometimes too much…just trying to survive to the end of our personal loneliness and pain. We don’t strive to deal with anything or anyone. We take no chances and encourage no conversations. We create faux protections against getting hurt if we happen to let the cloak slide and someone sees inside the real “us”.
Emotional eunuchs all have one common trait…they all live a starvation life by choice and call it fullness. Ironically, the world often sees them as full, content, accomplished, functioning humans because that is the exhibit emotional eunuchs invite others to attend. They pull the “correct” people into their own circle who are willing to buy that ticket, nothing more, nothing less. And many times a higher price is paid than first imagined.
God said, right before Eve was created, one of the most important statements in the Bible in my thinking, right next to verses about God’s gift of salvation. He said “ It is not good that Man should be alone.” Usually this is seen through the filter of the man/woman relationship, but I think it is broader than that. I believe it is simply we all need each other whether we think so or not. Emotional distance taught doesn’t need to be caught and carried on into our own lives. We can choose to break that cycle as a deep and lasting way to worship our God, care for our fellow man, and love ourselves as God commands when He admonishes to love our neighbors AS OURSELVES.
As I find myself time to time slipping back into the old cages, I try to keep short accounts with myself. Why am I displaying old behaviors? What is the hot button being pushed emotionally for me right now in this particular situation and is it valid? Where have I castrated my emotions and need to experience some healing and give myself grace to “be not alone”?
Every day we are given a chance, as that three year old, to step over the low lying fence of our inhibitions, draw near to the cage keeping us out and others in, and become the key that unlocks the door for all of us. Then the world changes, and we begin to engage with those around us in a more meaningful way. We may get hurt, we may not. But we are not meant to live a life alone. It is a big ole beautiful world out there, waiting for us to join its creation. We may find the key, or be called to be a key for another, or perhaps both.
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