job
Sometimes it takes years to find your own little niche….that place where you fit, find your calling, and feel great in your own skin. Often it is more about searching for and discovering your life’s sweet spot. It is a place where you thrive, you do things with virtually no effort, you glide through days even when they have challenges here and there, and you wear a goofy grin on your face pretty much all the time. You know then you have found your life’s sweet spot.
How do you put aside the negatives like the job that does not fulfill, the relationships that have dulled, the restlessness in your soul? Self-evaluate and ask yourself some questions like these:
*What am I great at…or what do others tell me I excel in?
*What brings me the most joy and contentment…day in and day out?
*What do I want to learn more about?
*What do I dream about, think about, ponder on most of the time?
*What will people pay me enough to do for my primary living or at least I think they might?
*What do others keep asking me to do for them?
Look through your past jobs, relationships, hobbies, committees and club activities. Where did you serve, what did you do, and how did you feel you did in those positions and places? Any stand out for you as GREAT? If so, that could be the place you need to pursue as your permanent calling…your sweet spot.
I am pretty sure I have found my sweet spot in my work life. I love what I do, people are paying me to do it, and over time I can see myself and my company becoming the “go to” place for the services and products I provide. It is comforting and exciting to be in this spot, and I can tell you…right now it feels pretty sweet.
Rhonda’s Lil Bits: Moses Soul Fish
There are times, no matter how well we do our job, someone will think otherwise. Personal integrity is a commodity these days. It only stands to reason the validity of our personal integrity will get challenged from time to time. Sharks come at us from all angles, wanting to devour our confidence in ourselves, a job well done, and invade our ultimate peace within any situation. We can either play and replay the accuser’s words over and over in our brain, or we can take a lesson from the Moses soul fish. It is a small critter and a natural food source for sharks with one important characteristic. It secretes a substance that is also a protection against predators. Once secreted into the water, the jaws of the predator are “frozen” until the little fish passes by safely. Today was a day when I had the choice of being a Moses Soul fish, and I am glad I made the choice I did. My predator’s mouth was frozen, and mine as well, as I stood and listened to accusations that I knew were unfounded because I knew I had done my job completely and with integrity. I passed by safely and gave no real thought further to the untruthful words that had been spoken to me. It is hard to choose not to defend yourself, but so worth it when you see that ole stinky shark just swim away muttering to himself.
I recently joined a ladies gym. It has been light years since I was a member of one so this is kind of a “new” experience for me in many ways. Times have changed, there are trainers on duty to help you instead of manuals placed on each machine (yeah it has been a long time since they did that, right?), music is piped in, and the treadmills and ellipticals have TV’s mounted on top so you can watch your favorite programs while you sweat. Yes, it has mightily changed. But one thing remains the same…it has to hurt sometimes to feel better and move forward.
While I was working on some of the weights one morning, I met one of the staff for the first time. She wandered over and said “I am the in-house trainer here….can I show you a better way to do that?” Of course I wanted her to instruct me and she proceeded to tell me that the weights I was working with for my back were set too light because I was doing it too easily. “It has to give you a bit of hurt, you do it slowly unlike the cardio machines, and you have to feel the tug and a bit of a burn to know it’s working like it is supposed to work for you.” I had already thought this, but was going by someone else’s suggestion on the weight amount. I moved the weight amount up to almost double per her suggestion and by the time I finished I knew I had been through a real workout, unlike the other days where I in essence was really sitting on my rear and just flailing my arms around more than anything. Nothing productive was happening at all and I was thankful she caught me early. I was willing to listen, and I could stop sitting and start really feeling progress and the moving forward that I was wanting to experience. I had not joined a gym to just sit down…I had done enough of that in the years since my last gym attendance. I thought about it and if I had not redirected and had hung on to the first way of working out, I would have been disappointed and hurt by not progressing steadily. A lot of wasted time and effort would have been all I had to show for the time and personal investment I had spent. I had sat down long enough….for years…I was there to get moving again before it was too late for me.
This got me to thinking about one of my favorite characters in the Bible, Job. Here was a good man who had everything; land, talent and skills, wealth, position, a large beautiful family, respect of his neighbors and friends…everything. Then one day, it all changed. Every good thing in his life was taken from him, and you find Job sitting on top of the ash heap mourning his losses at some point, and he looks as if he is settling in. Victim mentality? Perhaps, or maybe just giving up. But as the story goes along, God sends him people to talk with him, and he comes to a personal awareness of his position and the incredible waste he was participating in. He evaluates his current life, or lack of it, sees the wisdom of shaking off the dust and is found eventually moving on again. It was hard, and even at times almost unbearable for him to move on…but move on he did. He had come to the realization he could choose to find out God’s Plan B for his life, or he could sit on his ash for the rest of his days, a bitter man with no one or nothing.
I know I have spent far too many years sitting on my ash. Not that I didn’t have reasons to embrace my own season of mourning. I have had failed marriages and companionships, a company I have recently sold that was worth one fourth of what it was three years ago, financial woes that would have put down most people I know. There were strains in all kinds of emotional areas prompted by mean-spirited people, stratospherically chaotic circumstances, or… I am unhappy to admit…. encouraged by myself and my poor choices in many cases. I have ignored health and reaped the sad effects of my ill choices in diet and exercise, given up too much personal power in some of my relationships with others, and stockpiled years of stagnation in situations where I was living a victim mentality rather than a victor’s life. Most if not all these seasons went on far too long, in far too hurtful a way for everyone, and ended up with a burned, ash-filled life to show for it all. And more often than not, I found myself sitting on top of it, scooping the ash up and flinging it over myself and crying “woe is me” till I even grew sick of hearing it. I was a sight…and pretty much a real mess.
Are you sitting on your ash today? How long has it been since you were passed over for that promotion you just knew you were going to get? Did the company you had invested your working life in suddenly fold and you were in your mid-fifties and looking for a job again? Has your house been foreclosed on, your once perfect teenager been in and out of rehab for the last three years, or have you lost your only grandchild to an unrelenting disease? Are you bitter because a relationship you thought might be your forever love has not worked out, or are you still mourning the loss of your childhood because you were physically or emotionally abused?
How have you responded to those disappointments and hurts in life? When the good things started burning and the ash started piling higher and higher, did you just climb on and sit down, maybe flailing your arms around and trying to get someone’s attention, anyone’s attention, to let them know you were suffering? Those who suffered in the Bible were given a time to mourn their losses. Mourning was validation, it was good, but it was to be temporary. There is a time to feel the hurt and to experience the burn of disappointment and heart-breaking loss. But there came a moment when God directed them to get up already, brush the flakes of soot off themselves, and start over rather than sit in the ashes of their defeat for the rest of their lifetime. He wanted to give them their Plan B, but they couldn’t get it till they were ready to stand up again and start walking forward themselves first. It takes a lot of guts and more than a little emotional maturity to get handed defeat and disappointment and just decide to let it go, toss it on the pile with all the others, and set a match to it and just walk away on the path to continued personal peace. There were situations where I didn’t for a long, long time. There were moments I could, and moments I couldn’t without a bit of ash sitting first.
There are days when I am still very much a Job. I feel defeated and want to sit on my ash, be left alone unless I am moaning and groaning and needing some attention, and I just have no real desire to do anything else but be bitter and complain. But that would be a big mistake. I can’t move forward into a Plan B if I am just sitting down on that heap of nastiness and the sooty remains of what was my life. It is my time to start a new fire, burn off my old ways, and all the old reactions and responses when I am handed new heartaches and hurts. It’s time to watch the blaze burn as a bright new future opens up for me because I was willing to strike the necessary match.
Each morning, as I drive to the gym and into a new day, I use the time to assess the last 24 hours. What has been brought into my thoughts, will, and emotions that I do wish for my life? What did the prior day’s events, conversations, and offerings deposit on my doorstep that I do not want to remain a part of my Plan B? I shake off a little more of the soot and ashes and partake of a clean and fresh walk into my new journey as I hold each day, each part of my life with light fingers because I know it may ultimately end up on the burn pile. I will be real here…there are many moments of two steps forward and one step back. I find myself wanting to change my middle name to “Poor lil’ ole” when I experience an unexpected bump or even a breach in a relationship, or a dive in the bank account, or even a stress or strain physically. But those little bruises are there to build me personally and stoke a brand new fire. The only way to get a great Plan B is start building a new life, a stick at a time. Gather some people, experiences and things close to yourself if they fit the Plan, throw others on the burn pile if not, rinse and repeat.
In Isaiah, the Good Book says the Lord promises to turn our mourning into joy, and bring beauty out of the ashes. I am the only one who can discern when it is time to strike a match, toss it over my shoulder onto the latest pile of nonsense, and then swiftly walk away…or maybe even at times run. But, I remind myself daily I have made the decision that I will certainly refuse to go sit on my ash for long periods of time anymore. Embrace the hurt little lady, deal with it, and move on. Otherwise, I end up with only a dirty tearstained face, a burned rear, and a stinky attitude….and those just aren’t too beautiful to anyone, now are they?
Time for the gym….and time for feeling that beautiful burn.
This was a week of many ups and downs…events almost daily gave many moments of reflection and reasons to regroup. Grandson Cody Ryan unexpectedly entered the world on the first day of the week, 6 weeks early. Stress tests have been a regular part of the pregnancy because Cody has short bowel syndrome and is health-compromised.
He is doing well, but will have a long road ahead of him, as will his young parents. Cody’s big brother, Brendon, was the couple’s first child and is also dealing with the same condition. Brendon has never left the hospital and is now 15 months old…so both babies will be under special care in the same children’s hospital. My mother’s 70th birthday was the following day and it is amazing to think of her at that age. Mom has been through a period of some ill health this year, but she is so active and eternally young looking, it is hard to fathom she is not my age. My daughter, granddaughter and I took mom to a chinese buffet and then thrift stores and goofing off, and by the end of the day she was still fresh as a daisy. I hope I can grow up to be just like her.
On Monday, an office staff member left, giving no notice. Just packed up, sat her office keys on the file cabinet and walked out the door. No prior incidents, no problems with her behavior or work perfomance at all…then just…gone, to the great surprise of both myself and my operations manager. Similar incidents have happened in the past and I used to take it much more personally than I do these days. I can see, from talking to others in business, that this is a rampant problem with most businesses. The days of company loyalty and personal integrity are fast becoming a thing of the past. In the interest of not having to explain their actions, many will choose to “look bad” rather than just say ” I need a change, I need to move on”. And so I decided to look at it as a chance to move forward with new blood myself. Funny thing, I had not one but TWO applicants that want to work our front office and they contacted us within 24 hours of the walk out. God knows what He is doing, and if I really believe this, then I know the company’s best is always on His heart and mind, even more so than on mine. So we move on, excited about our future, and the possibilities. It’s the same with the birth of Cody or the gentle aging of my seemingly forever-young mom. Sometimes what seems to be a sad situation or a hard place in our lives comes along and we can choose to shut down and say ” I quit.” Or we can know that Someone bigger than us is in control. Someone kinder than us cares about where we are, and where we want to be. Someone wiser than us knows what we would miss if the hard times didn’t come in our lives. Today was our Thanksgiving celebration with my daughter’s family and as I looked around the room, I reflected on how much I have in my life that is good and wholesome and worthy of a peaceful smile. I am thankful most of all for the Someone in my life. I am so excited to see what is around that proverbial bend for my family, my company, and me personally. And I am thankful and oh, so grateful I am not travelling alone. And I am especially thankful that Someone never says ” I quit.”
I had an ex-boyfriend once. When we began dating, things were nice and we got along and he gave me the attention and interest that I wanted and also deserved in a relationship. Once things got a little more serious, something kinda of “snapped” in his brain. He became overbearing and obsessive and the attention became something of a monitoring device, which didn’t go over really big with me. What was great, became rotten pretty fast, and needless to say that relationship went bye-bye. I remember one day toward the demise of the situation, I had gotten so fed up, I turned to him and said “You know, I cannot possibly miss you if you won’t GO AWAY.” Clever statement, I thought, in the moment. But it is an axiom that holds pretty true, kind of like the more common “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” This week my opps manager was out of the office on her last vacation of the year. And she was definitely missed.
I always appreciate her work, and the work of my other staff members, but I am pointedly reminded of their contribution when one of them is out of the office for any reason. I get to be them, (I do my best anyway), but this is a good thing for more reasons than appreciation. I am brought back in close touch with my customers and staff. It’s a good time to do their work, and maybe evaluate how certain programs or policies or procedures are working or no longer working for them and the company, and make plans to replace the things that are slowing us down. Sometimes a business owner and a company may look as if they are moving forward exactly right, when in fact they are headed down the wrong road, or headed at least in the wrong way toward a goal that is not their real goal at all. Many a complacent business owner wakes up one day and says ” how in the heck did I get here” and then they have to backtrack all the decisions and try and fix things, rather than keeping short accounts and changing things to support the ultimate goal and path as they go along.
Things did go well this week, and we were very busy. My young office manager displayed stellar performance although she was dealing with a sudden death in her family. Sad situation…her young cousin lost control of his car and lost his life. Odd thing, his flip flop was caught under the accelerator while his foot remained on top and continued to accelerate the car. He reached down to free the shoe, lost control, and the vehicle went off the road and hit a very small tree. He had no seat belt on, so he had nothing to stop him from bending down, from trying to free his shoe, from placing himself in the way of the tree that came crashing through the passenger’s side of the vehicle. I have thought about this several times this week. What if he had chosen a different type shoe? Did he forget that he had an emergency brake on the car? What if the seat belt had engaged and not allowed him to bend down? What if he had not been alone? Would the other person had been injured, or worse, because he had lost control? Or would the other person had been able to free his shoe for him… and the car…and the passengers…go home safely, with only stories of their misadventure? In relationships, business, and personal decisions, I realize a great need to wear the right “shoes”, wear a “seatbelt”, and have a “friend” along for the ride for my own safety and the safety of others. I must prepare to do the right things with the right methods (wear the right shoes), have self-discipline ( a seatbelt) in place to keep me in check, and have someone ( a friend or business associate) who holds me accountable but will go away from time to time to let me know the value of their friendship, advice, and relationship. We all need that, now don’t we?