Rhonda
Today was a day I had been working up to for a week. Don’t know why, don’t really know where it started…but a minute at a time, experience here and frustration there had finally culminated into a day Alexander would have been proud of. You know the guy I mean…”Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day”.
I got up with a full slate of things to do, not only today, but really the entire week. This was my first real work day since the holidays, and I needed to hit the floor running. But discontent had become my friend over the last several days and my mood was negative to say the least. So being chipper and positive about going back to work today…even work that I totally enjoy…was not destined to happen.
Early last week I had made several sales through the resale sites. But I had also had more than my share of stand ups and real flakes I had been forced to deal with, and each one just added fuel to the cranky fire. I’d have a good talk with myself, pull up the bootstraps, and then another would bow out on their pick up or pass on an item too late for me to offer it to another person. This had not been my experience at all with the resale sites, so it was discouraging.
From there, a chain of things began to happen. I found out something about someone close to me that was upsetting and a cringe of new disappointment in this person every time they crossed my mind began a pattern for the week. A different person criticized me with absolutely no cause another day and I felt angry and fed up and had a whole lot of head talk going on, and more than once said “to heck with it AND you”. A third group of circumstances happened, and I felt taken advantage of and unappreciated. I wasn’t sleeping well, I was waking tired and anxious. I would wake feeling like a fat lady was sitting on my chest, and I hadn’t felt that in years. To top off the week, I was balancing the checkbooks and realized I somehow taken money out of my account balance as if I had paid a bill online, but then forgot to pay it, so a late fee occurred. I hate it when that happens, don’t you? There were other things, but today…well…it was the grandaddy of it all. Or at least it felt that way on the heels of all the other incidents.
I went to the shop and had a no show on a pick up, even though I had reminded the person and could see they had picked up my message, but chosen not to reply to my “we are still on aren’t we?”. I was frustrated to the hilt and mad. Never mind that the other three folks showed up just as they said they would, were happy with their purchases and complimentary of our shop. I was laser-focused on the one who didn’t keep her word.
Then, I decided to stock the floor a bit and two items I had purchased just today crumbled in my hands today before I could get them out on the showroom floor. Frustration again.
Swinging by to get a soft drink and head out to try and find costuming for my granddaughter’s upcoming theater show, I climbed back into the car. I still don’t know how, but 30 ounces of that 32 ounce diet coke came out of the bottom of the cup, filled the cup well in the van, went into my seat (you remember how cold it was today right?) and started seeping into the carpet. And no paper towels or anything to mop up the mess in the car was to be found. I had pulled into the parking lot of Goodwill, the third place to try and find costuming, and had not found one items on the list as yet, and her show is next week. I was fussing in my mind because we had just gotten the list last week, I don’t have time for this, yada yada. Then the coke thing. Sigh.
I pulled out of that parking lot, narrowly missed getting sideswiped by some lunatic on a cell phone and barely missed a monster pothole on the other side. By this time, I was getting to the point of DONE.
I pulled into the parking lot of the thrift store where my friend was working and begged some paper towels, vented a bit, then got in the car to make one more attempt to find the costume pieces I needed. As I sat there for a minute, I felt like I was going to burst out in tears, and I am not that type in most cases. But I had just saturated to the point I didn’t want to do anything, be anything, or care anymore. And I actually sat there and voiced it out loud saying “What on earth is going on????” It is humorous to say it here, but I suddenly felt like God said ” I was kinda wondering the same thing, kiddo…what on earth is going on in you?”
So I sat. I didn’t analyze, I didn’t rant and rave, I didn’t cry, I didn’t try and figure it out. I just sat and let whatever it was just drift away in that moment. And I started to laugh, just a tiny snicker at first, but then it got the point of a hard, deep laugh. Yes, Rhonda…what on earth was going on in you? Pretty much nothing that I would even remember a week from now, but I was letting it ruin and rule a potentially great day and all because I had started a stream of self-pity a week ago that I had failed to stop feeding somewhere along the way. It had grown fat and lazy and had begun to think it was here to stay. But in that one moment of laughter, I decided it had to go.
I prayed to have a good day from there forward, and even threw in a little prayer I’d find the items for the theater show. And you know, I did…in the very next store there they were. Hanging side by side were the three pieces in the correct sizes. I wasn’t in that store 5 minutes and was done with the shopping. Before the pity purge I had about talked myself out of my next item on the list….standing in the Wally World returns line….but changed my mind and took a chance since I had made the start on turning my day inside out. That return line was ginormous, long and winding around four registers and down the front aisle toward the doors. I hesitated for a moment, then took my place behind an older gentleman. Everyone before him and everyone after me in line were complaining and fussing, sighing heavily and so forth, but I was silent and watched him as he greeted each person that passed by the returns line, tipping his cap to the ladies, patting kids on the head. He was in the same yucky line as everyone else, was making the best of it, and it wasn’t affecting his personal day at all. But he was affecting mine, and I was grateful for that little old man where I may not have noticed him at all if I had been standing there an hour earlier. I would have been too busy sighing and griping myself.
On the way home I thought about that little old man. He may have had the same kind of week I had been experiencing, but he chose to allow the good parts, like sweet cream, to rise to the top and just enjoy his God-given day, and went even further to help others enjoy their day too by his pleasantries By reaching out to involve them as they passed by, he was the person who gained the most.
So, I made a decision to do the same. I picked up the phone, sent a message to my daughter and told her I was going to pick up my granddaughter for a few days. Yes, even with this really packed out week of errands and getting ready for a shop sale this weekend pending on the schedule book, and a house that is way messy and needs my attention. I did it because Lorelai needed time with me, but I really did it because I needed time with me. I knew reaching out to someone else was one of the best ways I would get that Rhonda time. I needed to reach out beyond myself, my feelings and my frustrations and just enjoy myself and the gift of “today”, and if someone else reaped the benefits, well that was ok too.
I picked Lorelai up, and we got in the car. She looked at me, put her soft little hand on mine, and said ” GiGi, I am so glad I got to see you today.” I teared up…that is what I always make a point of saying to her when I see her…”I am so glad I got to see you today”. And I think probably God said the same thing to me today, too…and maybe added the word “finally” at the end…
Sometimes you have a dream. It might be years in the making. It rattles around in your head. You get a piece of it here, a scrap of it there. You wake up in the middle of the night, grab a pen and start scribbling away in your journal, then revisit it the next time you wake in the middle of the night and you jot down a few more thoughts. Or maybe you don’t. It all depends on what kind of dreamer you are.
Many folks are dreamers–turned-visionaries. They plot and piddle, climb and fall, run and dodge until that one perfect dream comes true. They never stop, they fail a lot, but they never, ever, ever give up or give into the notion that the dream won’t come about. They, like Edison, just keep adjusting the experiment until the light finally comes on and everyone around them sees the brightness they envisioned all along.
Other folks are dreamers that stay in the dreamlike state. They float, they fault anyone and everyone but themselves when they can’t (or won’t) accomplish or push their dream out of the nest in their own brain. They are happy and content to stay in the fog of planning rather than do the hard work of the actual completion of their dream. Ecclesiastes says “A dream comes to pass with much business and painful effort.” Maybe that last part…the pain part…is what scares most of us off.
The difference between a dreamer and a visionary is simple. Dreamers are afraid to hurt a little to get what they want. Visionaries know the reality in the old adage “ No pain, no gain.” Dreamers have great and monumental thoughts, but visionaries execute great and memorable actions. Dreamers are well thought of and admired for their thoughts, but visionaries are often misunderstood and accused of controlling assertiveness when they are in pursuit of their goals. Dreamers think about the work it will take to have “something”, but visionaries? They actually execute the work to attain that same “something”. Dreamers do a lot of thinking and planning, but never put feet to their actions. Visionaries are born in running shoes. And when faced with a roadblock, a set back, or a difficulty, the visionary just adjusts, evaluates and continues to walk the dream on out.
In this world, we need both dreamers and visionaries, but they do have to embrace the value in each others’ contributions. Are you a dreamer without a vision? Or are you a visionary without a dream? Neither situation is a very good place to be…
Today is the last day of 2014. It has been a year of ups and downs, gaining and losing , letting go and holding on. I am pleased with the way most of it has taken shape. It has been a good year.
This time last year I was letting go of a company I had poured my life and total focus into for over 12 years as a full time CEO. It was like sending a child on to their own life when I walked out that front door and locked it up for the last time. But it was the beginning of a new, exciting company and experience and I was…and still am…excited to embrace it as my new life plan.
In the last year I have uprooted offices and moved into a new facility as I melded my old life and new life into a brand new vocation. Somehow all the stars have aligned, and everything has been steadily moving forward. The Lord has been good and placed amazing people in my path, and pushed me into opportunities that could only be a part of a BIG plan, and I am pretty humbled when I think about it all. Every day as I drive to the shop, meet a client, go thrift shopping for inventory and work from home I am brought to tears in gratefulness for what my life is right now. I hope that dream and the fruitfulness I am experiencing right now inside and outside never ends.
I have rid myself of three toxic relationships in the last year. Two were tearing down my business life and one adversely affecting my personal life. I cannot imagine now, on this side of that cutting away, how I stayed sane and was able to operate as well as I did during the height of those three relationships. But the strength that came in character, business savvy and sheer tenacity is seen today in my dealings with people both in my personal and professional life. I have since rid myself completely of anyone new who didn’t fit into my best life plan almost as quickly as they tried to enter, and on more than one occasion. It is difficult at times, because people come to you showing their best face and on their impeccable behavior. You can’t always see them for who they are, or are not. I have met and begun an acquaintance with some this year that I would have drawn close to my heart or brought into my business very easily in the past. But when I placed them against the acid test I have developed with the three former toxic relationships, I could see immediately and with an unreal clarity that those newest acquaintances were not genuine, real, or destined to be a part of my life after all. I was able to let go before I held on, and that was an amazing feeling. Because of this stepping back and razor-edged conscious decision-making skill I have developed, the last year has been pretty drama free with the exception of a couple of clients and one incident involving some business acquaintances. In those situations I was able to shut down the drama in record time and before it splashed onto my own life. Wow, what a grand feeling of self-control. And what a freeing feeling of knowledge that this really is a repeatable skill. It will be one of the greatest skills I will ever land in my own portfolio as a business owner or private individual. Integrity is of great value to me and I have seen the truth in Ben Franklin’s quotation ”He that lieth down with dogs shall get up with fleas.” It is refreshing and exhilarating to go to work at a place I love, with people I care about and know I am doing a great job because we are a TEAM. Being equally yoked is the only way to make the progress I want in my company and life, and I love that this was shown to me through a deep hurt and large loss in many ways. Like a phoenix, I have risen and will continue to rise.
In getting rid of things that were not beneficial in 2014, I also lost weight…a lot of it. Year to date I am almost 50 pounds lighter than this time last year. It hasn’t been a major struggle either. I just got up one day in June of this year, said to myself “Ok, it’s time to get healthy and feel good again” and I began the journey of counting calories, adjusting my lifestyle and mindset and just started listening to my inner voices again when it came to my personal care. What they say about being able to accomplish big changes only when you are ready is absolutely right, and that’s pretty much what happened to me. I was ready, and I just did it.
I started that book (in earnest) I kept saying I was going to write one day. I had written things down randomly in the past but this is a concerted effort to get it on paper so to speak, recorded and publish ready. I want to inspire someone. I want to challenge others. I want to know myself. This is what this book is about and my goal is to get it published in the next 18 months. We will see if that all pans out. It may be even sooner, and that is ok by me. Check another thing off that old bucket list.
When I reflect during the last few hours of 2014, I am content with it. I have done most of what I intended, grown through it, and have even learned to anticipate goodness and fulfillment rather than feeling anxious and insecure all the time. I turn to look into the bright, young face of 2015 and smile because I can see it taking a running jump off the good things that happened in 2014 and making its own solid destiny as it pulls me along with it and creates my next steps in the right direction. It will be interesting to see what this year holds, but not half as interesting as seeing what I hold at the end of 2015. And the most interesting discovery will surely be when the page turns next New Year’s Eve and I find out what holds me.
Sometimes it takes years to find your own little niche….that place where you fit, find your calling, and feel great in your own skin. Often it is more about searching for and discovering your life’s sweet spot. It is a place where you thrive, you do things with virtually no effort, you glide through days even when they have challenges here and there, and you wear a goofy grin on your face pretty much all the time. You know then you have found your life’s sweet spot.
How do you put aside the negatives like the job that does not fulfill, the relationships that have dulled, the restlessness in your soul? Self-evaluate and ask yourself some questions like these:
*What am I great at…or what do others tell me I excel in?
*What brings me the most joy and contentment…day in and day out?
*What do I want to learn more about?
*What do I dream about, think about, ponder on most of the time?
*What will people pay me enough to do for my primary living or at least I think they might?
*What do others keep asking me to do for them?
Look through your past jobs, relationships, hobbies, committees and club activities. Where did you serve, what did you do, and how did you feel you did in those positions and places? Any stand out for you as GREAT? If so, that could be the place you need to pursue as your permanent calling…your sweet spot.
I am pretty sure I have found my sweet spot in my work life. I love what I do, people are paying me to do it, and over time I can see myself and my company becoming the “go to” place for the services and products I provide. It is comforting and exciting to be in this spot, and I can tell you…right now it feels pretty sweet.
I can always tell when my daughter, Samantha, has made her first visit to my house at Christmas time…. the donkey ends up upstairs in the loft of the Nativity. She claims “It’s a Christmas MIRACLE!!! “, but I think that donkey got a little boost.
We could all use a little encouragement at the holidays. Some have had a difficult year and experienced a job loss, fire in their home, sickness, lost a loved one through death or divorce. It only takes a split second to smile, wave, write a note…but the effects could last a lifetime with that one individual. Wouldn’t you love to be a life-changer for someone?
Do you know anyone who might need a little “boost” so they can have their own Christmas miracle? Take the time this holiday to pay it forward. You might just start a tradition of your own.
I have never been one to make New Year’s resolutions. Seemed to be a way to set yourself up for disappointment or failure at times, and often pretty quickly after the first week of the enactment of the resolution. I have always found it easier to live a resolved life and try to make the most of each day personally and professionally.
As it nears the Christmas holidays, I watch the fuss and bustle, the bright eyes of children sitting on Santa’s knee as parents tap their feet wanting to get to their next destination, and the frantic gathering of families from far and wide and I find I am pondering my own life this last year more so than usual. There were so many rushed moments, and sadly even missed moments as I struggled to stay ahead of my business, moving into a new space which was daunting in the short time frame, and I cringe when I see my usually near spotless home has become crowded and unkempt, to me anyway. As the outside surroundings of my life have changed, my inside serenity kind of feels the same as the year draws to a close…unkempt, crowded and complicated. It’s time for some resolutions.
My adjectives for 2015 will be “Frugal and Simple”. In the New Year, I resolve to cut down on the things that fill up my home…those things I must care for, wash, clean, dust and otherwise spruce up to keep the health department at bay. I will keep only those things needed to perpetuate living for the day and those things I LOVE, not just like. I will be frugal with my time, spending it with those I love and even alone more rather than complicating a very simple, quiet life, which is what I really desire. I will get into nature more, enjoy the outdoors, and live it simply in the moment. What will be your adjectives for 2015? Do you have New Year’s resolutions?
One of my favorite things to do as a kid in the 60’s was sitting in front of the TV with a bowl of popcorn and watching Ma and Pa Kettle. Many Sunday afternoons were spent laughing with this hillbilly couple as they tried to remedy unusual situations that life kept throwing them in spite of their best efforts to live the simple life. Upon winning a tobacco contest, Pa found himself, Ma with her potato sack figure, and their brood of 15 children moving out of their little log cabin in Cape Flattery and into a modern home with newfangled gadgets, providing even more possibilities for crazy antics as they settled themselves in with new neighbors, new digs and new ways of doing things. They were excited to win, but found themselves more than once longing for the old simple life in the course of the films.
Sometimes I feel a bit like the Kettles. I work hard, no doubt. I get things set up, provide processes and programs and people to make things “happen” in my business and my personal life…but in the midst of all of it, there are still moments I long for the simplicity of those days of popcorn and Sunday afternoon movies. Most often the longing comes when I have scheduled myself into a corner and left no real room to expand and breathe and just “be”. You too? Just because things are moving along, going well, seemingly getting you ahead, doesn’t mean that is what is really happening. We may find ourselves tired, run down, a feeling of listlessness we can’t quite put a finger on. That’s when it’s time to allow ourselves a trip back to the log cabin and let the quietness in our souls calm the craziness in our lives. That’s what I have been doing this weekend. Want to join me? Ok…pass the salt please. 🙂
Rhonda’s Lil Bits: Moses Soul Fish
There are times, no matter how well we do our job, someone will think otherwise. Personal integrity is a commodity these days. It only stands to reason the validity of our personal integrity will get challenged from time to time. Sharks come at us from all angles, wanting to devour our confidence in ourselves, a job well done, and invade our ultimate peace within any situation. We can either play and replay the accuser’s words over and over in our brain, or we can take a lesson from the Moses soul fish. It is a small critter and a natural food source for sharks with one important characteristic. It secretes a substance that is also a protection against predators. Once secreted into the water, the jaws of the predator are “frozen” until the little fish passes by safely. Today was a day when I had the choice of being a Moses Soul fish, and I am glad I made the choice I did. My predator’s mouth was frozen, and mine as well, as I stood and listened to accusations that I knew were unfounded because I knew I had done my job completely and with integrity. I passed by safely and gave no real thought further to the untruthful words that had been spoken to me. It is hard to choose not to defend yourself, but so worth it when you see that ole stinky shark just swim away muttering to himself.
In reading my Facebook this morning, I stumbled across a picture of a golden zebra. I clicked on the article and it was very interesting. Seems little Zoe the zebra lives in Hawaii, among normal zebras, but bears its strange color due to a “birth defect”. The defect, interestingly enough, appears enhanced and vivid in the photo, rather than the muted almost albino-looking hide that is the actual covering of the zebra. Rather than hide the defect, it was made more pronounced until it caught interest and became a rarity. Enhancement of the defect has made this little critter a social media phenomenon and the post has pretty much gone viral. What started out as something that distinguished it as having being less desirable has made it into a highly desired animal. I want to be a golden zebra in my business…even in my life, don’t you? Take the “negative”, make something positive out of it, and market that sucker as the best kept secret since sliced bread. Be the one who stands out, not the one who blends in.
