Growing up, I was always very Type A. I was often the leader in a group of kids. Many times I chose the game we’d play, I chose the teams, I decided when the game was over. Most often this happened by default. Others didn’t want to choose, they wanted someone to include them in their activity. I never quite understood that. I figured being ‘in charge” was a foundation of happiness and contentment. This pretty much played itself out in my dating and marriage relationships, my sibling interactions, even my adult friendships. If a group was to go out to eat, for example, I would feel obligated to step in and determine the venue and day and time of our meet up because frankly everyone was trying so hard to defer to others nothing would get decided.
In the last few months, I have spent time reflecting on my current life a bit, and discovered I don’t “go places” or “do things” with no mission or agenda. When I do leave home, I am usually alone and have a list I need to accomplish before returning. I have allowed myself to downsize my life past an acceptable point, and I don’t really even know how or when it happened.
Several weeks ago my adult children and their four little ones went out west for two weeks on a family vacation. During that two weeks I did see my mom for dinner a time or two, I got out and shopped in the thrift stores which is enjoyable but technically work and I was alone, and I sat at my desk and worked pretty much every single day they were gone.
That’s it, for two weeks.
Looking back on that, I am not having a pity party…I am just seeing how my life sizing has affected my personal relationships, friendships and overall emotional and mental health in many ways. I used to be a social butterfly, was always getting invited places and was busy in church activities of one sort or other. I square danced for several years and there was always that activity to interact and bond with people. At Christmas there were parties I went to, fellowships and potlucks, friends hitting me up to have a coffee and an hour chat pretty often, even though they knew the business I owned at the time kept me very busy. They knew I wanted to be included, even if life was hectic.
I sat outside about a week ago and pondered this all and came to a startling conclusion. I am not included, as I once was. I don’t go to friends’ homes for dinner, or sit around their fire pits and chat till late. I don’t attend movies, basketball games, or high school football games anymore because…well, no one asks me anymore.
I have unintentionally become a social hermit. In trying to simplify my life (a GOOD thing) and rid it of the GOOD things in honor of keeping the GREAT things, I life sized it right down to un-include myself from other people and their lives and love. Wow, what a revelation.
So this week I made a dedicated effort to include myself in other peoples’ lives and not just family. Family is easy, they are there, no effort is really required when you want to include yourself, because you are part of the gang already. I also started life sizing UP by hesitantly throwing out a few fishing lines for coffee and chats with a couple of people I’d like to get to know better. There are only two answers someone can give, right?
As a Christian, too, I know I have to be careful not to be too busy. I also know I have to be wary of those I let into the inner circle of my life because we have to be on the same page spiritually and otherwise. So life sizing the other direction may get a bit tricky. But I have always been a collector of “people”. I like to talk about shared experiences, but I also love to listen to others tell about their adventures, their families, laugh, get advice, and just do life with others.
The Bible says that if we are to have friends, we must show ourselves friendly. George Bailey was called the richest man in town because he was all about life sizing and inclusion. And his friends included him right back because he embraced them first. Maybe it’s time for me to become a leader in my own life story again, bring on the old Type A, plan, execute moments. …and time to super-size my tribe, one latte’ at a time.
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