Family
I saw double today. No, I didn’t experience blurry vision, or see a set of twins. I saw a double rainbow. Technically I guess I saw two single rainbows…but I am not too technical most days. Let me explain…
I had gone over this afternoon to help my daughter move a desk and a few other items out of her home and into my van to make the first of many treks between our homes this week. My extended family and I are setting off on a great adventure this week. We are combining households, by choice not necessity, and they are moving in with me by my suggestion. Friday is our set moving day for the big stuff and by Saturday all my little chickens should be safe and snug under my roof.
I arrived and the little ones were in jammies, and so was Mom. The littles were playing on the chalkboard and maybe fussing a little more than playing and Mom and I were trying to talk above the roar of “Don’t draw there Isaac, NO MAX that is my spot, I DREW A BIIIIIG LION GIGI” and so forth. Chalkboards are great, but do usually require a bit fewer users and a bit more space for true creativity.
Samantha and I did manage to struggle out the desk and get it into the van, along with several booster seats which will be stored till next year and the twins are big enough to use them.
As I was loading the van with the first group of drawers and booster seats, a soft rain began to fall and I hurried along a bit. When I turned around to head up and get the desk off the driveway before the wood got too soaked I stopped. I saw the most beautiful rainbow. I have loved rainbows since I was a small child. I stood and watched and the rain trickled down my face and onto my shirt and dripped off the bill of my cap….and still I stood and looked. I saw Samantha come out with two of the desk drawers and said “Hey, come here there’s a rainbow!” Samantha rushed in to get the kids to come see. None of the three, even Lorelai who is almost seven, had ever seen a rainbow before. They chattered and talked about it, Isaac calling it a hair bow, Lorelai talked about how beautiful the colors were, and Max just laughed at the rain getting everyone wet. I thought about how I had seen hundreds probably in my lifetime, but this is the first one they had seen and I got to see them see their “first”. How special to share that with my babies. A “first time” only comes once, for anything.
And that’s kind of what this week is about, too. It will be a “first time” for all of us to live together and become a new family dynamic. Samantha and I have of course lived together, but never as grown women really. She left home when she was an adult, but not married and certainly had no children at the time. She was a single child going out into an adult world as a single lady for the first time. And at that time I actually became a single lady in a home by myself for the first time. When I married the first time, I went straight from my parents’ home to married life, so that was a first for me while it was also a first for my daughter. That seems like a lifetime ago. I guess in many ways it is a lifetime ago.
It is still a bit weird and surreal thinking about what this week will be. I have been single for a few years now and on my own and have reached my pattern of days. I get up when I want or need, I do stuff during the day, I come home, I do or do not do stuff and then, well, I go to bed and do it again tomorrow. And pretty much always in that order. I never fear running into anyone when I am at home. I always find what I need in the fridge because no one has eaten it or moved it or thrown it out because
they thought it needed to “go”. I wear the clothing I want that is not to impress anyone but for sheer comfort. I take a second hot bath in the middle of the night if the arthritis is acting up and never fear I will wake anyone or disturb the household. I am Rhonda Planet: Population One. But that is about to change dramatically.
And my children and grandkids are about to experience some real firsts. My granddaughter has spent the night with me, but she has never lived with me. My twin grandsons have never spent the night with me much less slept outside of their own bed at home as yet and they will do that first at my mother’s home while we are moving for two days and then my house, which will become their house. My son in law has not lived with me before so that will be new to him. My daughter has not lived with me as an adult mother or wife. And me? I have not lived with any of them, or anyone for quite a while, so this will be a big first for me, too. A year ago I couldn’t have predicted we would even be entertaining the thought of combining our lives this way.
It’s funny. My daughter and son-in-law haven’t said it has happened and maybe it hasn’t. But in my case I have had numerous people who have said “Oh wow, you sure you wanna do that? I moved all my crew in and I am telling you don’t do it.” And any and all variations of that same sentiment have rolled in the last several weeks from well-meaning friends and acquaintances. I have had a handful that know me and my kids and they assure me it will be an adjustment but we will be fine. I have chosen to take the high road on that one and say it will be a blessing to be together. I chose to look at it like that rainbow today…a unexpected chance to stop, reflect, see some things again, see other things as a “first” through the little ones eyes, and gather all of it in before it quickly disappears, as rainbows do.
I pulled the van out of the neighborhood and started on my way home, running a couple of errands before I arrived in the driveway. As I turned onto my street I was surprised and a little misty-eyed as I saw another rainbow. No, it wasn’t the same one; that one had disappeared long before. It was a new one, it looked the same but it was in a different place in the sky and at a different time. And it was over my house this time, where the other one was over my daughter’s home. I have never seen two rainbows in one day like that, and I have to think it was God’s way of reminding me that He has it all under control. He blessed them THERE and he will bless us HERE. Sometimes real clarity comes in seeing double.
Today is Easter and I am looking out the window of my home office watching cars pull in and out of the cove across the street. Families are gathering for church and dinner, kids are opening their baskets of goodies, the weather has a nip in the air for afternoon egg hunts. If the cars were older, the clothing was more vintage, the hairdos were bit more formal and tailored, this could be 50 years ago…nothing much has changed since I was a child. The traditions and trappings have remained intact over the years, but I have certainly come through many changes.
In the business I am in there are so many wonderful twists and turns, fun things and memory-creating moments. I love seeing people come in and find some of the beloved childhood items that were in their homes growing up. A lamp reminds a young person of their grandmother’s home, musty with peeling flocked wallpaper and braided rugs over the scuffed hardwood floors. A man picks up a bag of marbles and his eyes fix on them as he remembers many days spent kneeling in the dust and dirt, hovering over a circled string on the ground, trying to shoot best to win that prized aggie. I watch as an old woman picks up an antique handkerchief and holds it softly to her nostrils and breathes in, hoping to smell the light scent of lavender that had pervaded her own mother’s lace and trims when she was but a tiny girl.
My favorite customers are those who wander in, find treasures like these, and give them new life through a repurpose or redesign. Most often it happens with a piece of furniture, but I have witnessed the birth of an entirely new heirloom from old door hardware, wooden windows, a scrap of fabric tablecloth or a wooden barrel or box. All of these have come through countless hands, been in more than one home oftentimes, and now landed in a place where others can purchase them and give them a new purpose and a new life.
As a small child of 7, I met Jesus on a hot August day the last service of a tent revival in my church. I was just a little kid, but I knew there was something more to the life I was living, and so did the Lord. He knew I needed a makeover and I am so grateful He was willing to give me a new life. Many years and much water has gone under the bridge and my life has not always been what He intended it to be. But with great patience and a steady hand, He continued to sand off the edges, add a bit of color here and there, and spent hours and days and years waxing a beautiful patina into my life as I plundered through the milestones of my journey. And somehow, He is still working….and I am still grateful.
I think about my own ultimate repurpose when I see others take pieces and bring a new glorious life to them. I am humbled and continue to see the beauty possible in this old piece of worn out furniture I call my life. And I look forward to see the purposing again of my life in this, the latter half. There is always something amazing in making the old new again.
Sometimes you have a dream. It might be years in the making. It rattles around in your head. You get a piece of it here, a scrap of it there. You wake up in the middle of the night, grab a pen and start scribbling away in your journal, then revisit it the next time you wake in the middle of the night and you jot down a few more thoughts. Or maybe you don’t. It all depends on what kind of dreamer you are.
Many folks are dreamers–turned-visionaries. They plot and piddle, climb and fall, run and dodge until that one perfect dream comes true. They never stop, they fail a lot, but they never, ever, ever give up or give into the notion that the dream won’t come about. They, like Edison, just keep adjusting the experiment until the light finally comes on and everyone around them sees the brightness they envisioned all along.
Other folks are dreamers that stay in the dreamlike state. They float, they fault anyone and everyone but themselves when they can’t (or won’t) accomplish or push their dream out of the nest in their own brain. They are happy and content to stay in the fog of planning rather than do the hard work of the actual completion of their dream. Ecclesiastes says “A dream comes to pass with much business and painful effort.” Maybe that last part…the pain part…is what scares most of us off.
The difference between a dreamer and a visionary is simple. Dreamers are afraid to hurt a little to get what they want. Visionaries know the reality in the old adage “ No pain, no gain.” Dreamers have great and monumental thoughts, but visionaries execute great and memorable actions. Dreamers are well thought of and admired for their thoughts, but visionaries are often misunderstood and accused of controlling assertiveness when they are in pursuit of their goals. Dreamers think about the work it will take to have “something”, but visionaries? They actually execute the work to attain that same “something”. Dreamers do a lot of thinking and planning, but never put feet to their actions. Visionaries are born in running shoes. And when faced with a roadblock, a set back, or a difficulty, the visionary just adjusts, evaluates and continues to walk the dream on out.
In this world, we need both dreamers and visionaries, but they do have to embrace the value in each others’ contributions. Are you a dreamer without a vision? Or are you a visionary without a dream? Neither situation is a very good place to be…
Today is the last day of 2014. It has been a year of ups and downs, gaining and losing , letting go and holding on. I am pleased with the way most of it has taken shape. It has been a good year.
This time last year I was letting go of a company I had poured my life and total focus into for over 12 years as a full time CEO. It was like sending a child on to their own life when I walked out that front door and locked it up for the last time. But it was the beginning of a new, exciting company and experience and I was…and still am…excited to embrace it as my new life plan.
In the last year I have uprooted offices and moved into a new facility as I melded my old life and new life into a brand new vocation. Somehow all the stars have aligned, and everything has been steadily moving forward. The Lord has been good and placed amazing people in my path, and pushed me into opportunities that could only be a part of a BIG plan, and I am pretty humbled when I think about it all. Every day as I drive to the shop, meet a client, go thrift shopping for inventory and work from home I am brought to tears in gratefulness for what my life is right now. I hope that dream and the fruitfulness I am experiencing right now inside and outside never ends.
I have rid myself of three toxic relationships in the last year. Two were tearing down my business life and one adversely affecting my personal life. I cannot imagine now, on this side of that cutting away, how I stayed sane and was able to operate as well as I did during the height of those three relationships. But the strength that came in character, business savvy and sheer tenacity is seen today in my dealings with people both in my personal and professional life. I have since rid myself completely of anyone new who didn’t fit into my best life plan almost as quickly as they tried to enter, and on more than one occasion. It is difficult at times, because people come to you showing their best face and on their impeccable behavior. You can’t always see them for who they are, or are not. I have met and begun an acquaintance with some this year that I would have drawn close to my heart or brought into my business very easily in the past. But when I placed them against the acid test I have developed with the three former toxic relationships, I could see immediately and with an unreal clarity that those newest acquaintances were not genuine, real, or destined to be a part of my life after all. I was able to let go before I held on, and that was an amazing feeling. Because of this stepping back and razor-edged conscious decision-making skill I have developed, the last year has been pretty drama free with the exception of a couple of clients and one incident involving some business acquaintances. In those situations I was able to shut down the drama in record time and before it splashed onto my own life. Wow, what a grand feeling of self-control. And what a freeing feeling of knowledge that this really is a repeatable skill. It will be one of the greatest skills I will ever land in my own portfolio as a business owner or private individual. Integrity is of great value to me and I have seen the truth in Ben Franklin’s quotation ”He that lieth down with dogs shall get up with fleas.” It is refreshing and exhilarating to go to work at a place I love, with people I care about and know I am doing a great job because we are a TEAM. Being equally yoked is the only way to make the progress I want in my company and life, and I love that this was shown to me through a deep hurt and large loss in many ways. Like a phoenix, I have risen and will continue to rise.
In getting rid of things that were not beneficial in 2014, I also lost weight…a lot of it. Year to date I am almost 50 pounds lighter than this time last year. It hasn’t been a major struggle either. I just got up one day in June of this year, said to myself “Ok, it’s time to get healthy and feel good again” and I began the journey of counting calories, adjusting my lifestyle and mindset and just started listening to my inner voices again when it came to my personal care. What they say about being able to accomplish big changes only when you are ready is absolutely right, and that’s pretty much what happened to me. I was ready, and I just did it.
I started that book (in earnest) I kept saying I was going to write one day. I had written things down randomly in the past but this is a concerted effort to get it on paper so to speak, recorded and publish ready. I want to inspire someone. I want to challenge others. I want to know myself. This is what this book is about and my goal is to get it published in the next 18 months. We will see if that all pans out. It may be even sooner, and that is ok by me. Check another thing off that old bucket list.
When I reflect during the last few hours of 2014, I am content with it. I have done most of what I intended, grown through it, and have even learned to anticipate goodness and fulfillment rather than feeling anxious and insecure all the time. I turn to look into the bright, young face of 2015 and smile because I can see it taking a running jump off the good things that happened in 2014 and making its own solid destiny as it pulls me along with it and creates my next steps in the right direction. It will be interesting to see what this year holds, but not half as interesting as seeing what I hold at the end of 2015. And the most interesting discovery will surely be when the page turns next New Year’s Eve and I find out what holds me.
Sometimes it takes years to find your own little niche….that place where you fit, find your calling, and feel great in your own skin. Often it is more about searching for and discovering your life’s sweet spot. It is a place where you thrive, you do things with virtually no effort, you glide through days even when they have challenges here and there, and you wear a goofy grin on your face pretty much all the time. You know then you have found your life’s sweet spot.
How do you put aside the negatives like the job that does not fulfill, the relationships that have dulled, the restlessness in your soul? Self-evaluate and ask yourself some questions like these:
*What am I great at…or what do others tell me I excel in?
*What brings me the most joy and contentment…day in and day out?
*What do I want to learn more about?
*What do I dream about, think about, ponder on most of the time?
*What will people pay me enough to do for my primary living or at least I think they might?
*What do others keep asking me to do for them?
Look through your past jobs, relationships, hobbies, committees and club activities. Where did you serve, what did you do, and how did you feel you did in those positions and places? Any stand out for you as GREAT? If so, that could be the place you need to pursue as your permanent calling…your sweet spot.
I am pretty sure I have found my sweet spot in my work life. I love what I do, people are paying me to do it, and over time I can see myself and my company becoming the “go to” place for the services and products I provide. It is comforting and exciting to be in this spot, and I can tell you…right now it feels pretty sweet.
I can always tell when my daughter, Samantha, has made her first visit to my house at Christmas time…. the donkey ends up upstairs in the loft of the Nativity. She claims “It’s a Christmas MIRACLE!!! “, but I think that donkey got a little boost.
We could all use a little encouragement at the holidays. Some have had a difficult year and experienced a job loss, fire in their home, sickness, lost a loved one through death or divorce. It only takes a split second to smile, wave, write a note…but the effects could last a lifetime with that one individual. Wouldn’t you love to be a life-changer for someone?
Do you know anyone who might need a little “boost” so they can have their own Christmas miracle? Take the time this holiday to pay it forward. You might just start a tradition of your own.
I have never been one to make New Year’s resolutions. Seemed to be a way to set yourself up for disappointment or failure at times, and often pretty quickly after the first week of the enactment of the resolution. I have always found it easier to live a resolved life and try to make the most of each day personally and professionally.
As it nears the Christmas holidays, I watch the fuss and bustle, the bright eyes of children sitting on Santa’s knee as parents tap their feet wanting to get to their next destination, and the frantic gathering of families from far and wide and I find I am pondering my own life this last year more so than usual. There were so many rushed moments, and sadly even missed moments as I struggled to stay ahead of my business, moving into a new space which was daunting in the short time frame, and I cringe when I see my usually near spotless home has become crowded and unkempt, to me anyway. As the outside surroundings of my life have changed, my inside serenity kind of feels the same as the year draws to a close…unkempt, crowded and complicated. It’s time for some resolutions.
My adjectives for 2015 will be “Frugal and Simple”. In the New Year, I resolve to cut down on the things that fill up my home…those things I must care for, wash, clean, dust and otherwise spruce up to keep the health department at bay. I will keep only those things needed to perpetuate living for the day and those things I LOVE, not just like. I will be frugal with my time, spending it with those I love and even alone more rather than complicating a very simple, quiet life, which is what I really desire. I will get into nature more, enjoy the outdoors, and live it simply in the moment. What will be your adjectives for 2015? Do you have New Year’s resolutions?
One of my favorite things to do as a kid in the 60’s was sitting in front of the TV with a bowl of popcorn and watching Ma and Pa Kettle. Many Sunday afternoons were spent laughing with this hillbilly couple as they tried to remedy unusual situations that life kept throwing them in spite of their best efforts to live the simple life. Upon winning a tobacco contest, Pa found himself, Ma with her potato sack figure, and their brood of 15 children moving out of their little log cabin in Cape Flattery and into a modern home with newfangled gadgets, providing even more possibilities for crazy antics as they settled themselves in with new neighbors, new digs and new ways of doing things. They were excited to win, but found themselves more than once longing for the old simple life in the course of the films.
Sometimes I feel a bit like the Kettles. I work hard, no doubt. I get things set up, provide processes and programs and people to make things “happen” in my business and my personal life…but in the midst of all of it, there are still moments I long for the simplicity of those days of popcorn and Sunday afternoon movies. Most often the longing comes when I have scheduled myself into a corner and left no real room to expand and breathe and just “be”. You too? Just because things are moving along, going well, seemingly getting you ahead, doesn’t mean that is what is really happening. We may find ourselves tired, run down, a feeling of listlessness we can’t quite put a finger on. That’s when it’s time to allow ourselves a trip back to the log cabin and let the quietness in our souls calm the craziness in our lives. That’s what I have been doing this weekend. Want to join me? Ok…pass the salt please. 🙂
Today was a rare day of working from home. I say rare because it is not often that I can be at home all day, the entire day, whether working or not. And well…this one started out great…and rare…but it ended up being an ordinary day after all, and not so rare. A grandmother assignment knocked on my door and I was called out to active duty.
I was sitting in my jammies and it was almost noon. The morning had consisted of plowing through mounds of work, answering emails, talking to folks on the phone, setting up appointments, housework and anything and everything that was on the “to do” list. Yes, it is an actual list. I keep a physical list…written on a yellow lined legal pad…updated daily, sometimes hourly…and yes, I do get a lot accomplished and marked off that list each day. But the one thing that always bugs me is this: there is ALWAYS a list. I never get done, it is never empty, and I never find myself saying “Holy cow, what will I do now?” I was about halfway down the list when a voxer message came through from my daughter (look it up if you don’t know what that is, that is subject for another blog), about nothing earth-shattering or intense, but I could tell in the conversation that it was an edgy day for her. She wasn’t feeling too spunky, the boy kids were being rascals and the girl kid was occupied and peaceful for the moment but that is a volcano ready to blow anytime…she’s six. Enough said.
After a few messages back and forth I could see Samantha was not really feeling like getting out later to take my granddaughter to her square dancing lesson. It is an event taking the boys, busy little beavers that they are. They really are quite good, but by the time she gets them up from naps, fed, snacks ready for dancing because it runs late, everyone piled into the car, driven there, un-piled from the car and inside to watch young Sassy Sue do her stuff, then home and doing it all backwards to get them into bed for the night before they turn into pumpkins, it is pretty exhausting and leaves one wondering if it is really worth the effort at all.
I could see this wasn’t working for them and their family, but I also knew my granddaughter was loving every minute of it. She is a free-spirit and anything that she does in the creative field is like putting wind under gossamer wings for her…you can just see her lift higher in her confidence, her belief in herself, her talents and her pure joy in living. Her words to me after her very first lesson were pretty telling. “So, did you like this Lorelai, did you like square dancing?” to which she answered “I LOVE this, it is my THANG!” I snicker now to think of how sincere she was, and really how true it seems. So today when it began to look like she might have to stop doing something this important and nurturing to her, well, GiGi stepped in without a thought. I did take one tiny look at the piles of papers still on the desk and I winced. I knew my schedule was already crowded this week with an upcoming estate this next weekend, followed by meetings with vendors to get the home cleared and cleaned out next week and Thanksgiving holiday shoved into the middle of all that. Every moment this week and next was booked and planned and…on the list.
I told Samantha I would come get Lorelai and take her to class tonight, and I would designate myself her chaperone each Monday and make sure she got there for her classes. As I put down the phone, I did what I often do when Divine Intervention comes to visit…I make a little sighing sound, take pen in hand, mark out the non-essentials on the list leaving only the most urgent, and move the non-essentials to other days and hope for the best they will get done, too. This time I did a write in of ” GiGi pick up Lorelai at 6:30″ on all my Monday nights for the next several weeks, and perhaps months, because this had become an unexpected priority for me.
Unexpected priorities come in all shapes and sizes. They come in people who have a need for money when you just happened to get a little windfall in your mailbox this week. They come in the sudden extended illness or injury of a co-worker that places an additional workload on you when you are already a bit overburdened with your own job requirements. It comes in the little girl who loves to dance, the boys who need to run free on the playground even though there are dirty dishes waiting in the sink, the kitty cat who needs to sit in your lap, cuddle and purr and make both of you feel better and cared for. They may even come as strangers who teach you that you will either evaluate the substance of your days, or the substance of your days will one day evaluate you.
I had gone to lunch with a friend a few weeks ago. It was spontaneous and unexpected and I had that “list” going for the day. But I quickly decided to go to lunch, enjoy the food and conversation, and cross off a few things on the list so I could do just that. As we sat and talked I noticed a couple, about our same age, at the table across from us. The conversation between them was more one-sided than mine and my companion’s chatting, although it appeared the other couple was related, but maybe not married. She rattled on in a light manner, talking about family, about church and so forth. The man was hyper-focused on his food, and after a bit I could see he was struggling with his utensils and seemed to have every bit of effort being used to just eat his meal. The woman didn’t let that keep her from carrying on cheery talk. The man, after a few moments, got up from the table and headed to the restroom. My dinner companion was already away from the table. The woman leaned in after a few minutes and asked “Will you tell the waitress to bring our check if I have to leave the table?” nodding in the direction of the restroom. I said I would, but the waitress returned and I watched the lady pay, chat with a smile to the young girl, and continue to wait on the man, who I had found out in more small talk was her husband. “He is on heavy medication, but I try to let him do things on his own if I can. He has been ill a long time but only this ill a short while.” I could tell she wanted to talk to someone, so I said I was sorry to hear that and she teared up a bit and said they were celebrating their anniversary today. I wished them a happy one, but I was surprised when she said their real anniversary was not till January, and this was November. She then told me he had been diagnosed with terminal cancer the week before, and had been told he had only 3-4 weeks to live, and they decided to celebrate today. He was three weeks away…a bit more, a bit less…from completing “the list”.
I have thought about them often since that day. It is very possible he is still here, still working the list, still being her husband as best as he can. But chances are, if the doctors were right, he is no longer making choices about how he spends his time, who he spends it with, what he puts on the list, and what he takes off. Those choices have been made for him now, and also for those he loves. The wife had been taking care of him for almost five years and now that would no longer be on her list. All the errands, appointments, picking up prescriptions, crying in the darkness, wondering what she was going to do when she did lose him…was gone, too. An unexpected priority had presented itself in the care of a suddenly ill husband. A different priority was a now terminally ill husband’s care. Priorities had changed again and it was time to take care of herself, alone. I wonder if he would have made different choices in his moments, the things he placed on his to do list for his days if he had known this was how it would all end. More importantly I wonder if she would have chosen differently if she had known she wouldn’t have all the time in the world with him as one part of “them”?
Three weeks is such a short time when you are living the last of something…and seems like such a long time when you are living the first of something. We don’t have all the time in the world to get this thing right, we can’t always make it up later. Later isn’t always there for us or for those we love and have in our care. I think maybe it’s time to sharpen my pencil, get out the rubber eraser, and start eliminating some things that maybe were on the priority list but have moved on down or off the whole legal pad. It may just be time to pencil in a little more dancing and a little less “do it”. Dancing through my days…well, it may just be my “thang” very soon. You too?
